The problems with sex positivity and strangers oversharing about their sex life are both things that sexual moralism can never address but only contribute to a culture of silence, shame and ignorance about sex and sexuality just like it did for our grandparents generation. The solution has always been the promotion of boundaries, consent and open communication.
Obviously we live in a society in which the opposite is true. But you can’t reject sex. That won’t help the billions of people who have it especially the significant portion who do experience it through or as trauma. That’s not some innate feature of human sex or sexuality. That’s patriarchy, a social and political force which indoctrinates us at a young age to accept its world view and values including violence, poor sexual communication and boundaries, disregard for consent often by inflicting it against us.
A continued silence about sex and what healthy sexuality could and does look like only allows for further silence on existing and future abuse. That’s all “sex negative” thinking will promote. Sex positivity was used to pressure women but at the heart of it that’s just another way patriarchy has promoted poor boundaries, suppressed communication about our own desires and disregarded consent. It’s the same problem. And you can never hope to address that by a returning to a period which was horrible for women. People like R. Kelly or Harvey Weinstein could never have been caught. No one would be speaking of their violence nor demanding anything be done. Silence is isolation, never ending trauma and death.
The choice isn’t sex positivity, soft boys pressuring women into sex, daddy doms performing kink in public or complete rejection of sex as some innately evil drive only predatory men want or engage in. Regardless of how feminist you think either is they’re hopeless neoliberal band aids that can’t possibly lead to any kind of liberation. Only collective struggle can do that.
Anonymous
